You might be a redneck if. . .

1801. Your trip to school involves going around logging equipment.

1802. Your trip to school involves riding on logging equipment.

1803. Your high school track was really an old logging road. (Guilty!) *

1804. You could drive a Chevy Impala down a wet muddy slick logging road that 4 wheel drives avoided and never get stuck (sorry for that shot Dad!) *

1805. Your high school cross-country team has to watch out for cow pies on their training course. *

1806. Your high school football team had to move the farming equipment off the field before practice everyday.  (Having played a team that really did that, it makes for a seriously HUGE offensive and defensive line!) * and they wupped out butts...

1807. Your high school basketball team used an old crowbar with two people riding it to mark out the court boundaries. (listen to Jerry Clower and you'll understand if you aren't red enough to understand)

1808. Your kid's tree house doubles for a tree stand.

1809. Your pick-up has no bed, but it does have a rack for your chain-saw.

1810. You could take your old Chevy pick-up places that a Ford Bronco couldn't follow.

1811. You could (and did) fit your entire high school senior class in to the back of a Dodge Power Wagon.*

1812. You took a deer rifle to high school to hunt on school grounds after class.

1813. Work closing for snow means everybody's goin' deer huntin', and nobody is leaving work to do it!*

1814. Tourists stop to take pictures of the kudzu on your house...and you still live in it!

1815. Grass is growing in the bed of your pick-up. * (Worked with a feller proud of it)

1816. You register a camouflage pattern instead of a china pattern for your wedding.

1817. You ever brought what's left of a squirrel when it's hit by 12 deer rifles to school for Show and Tell.*

1818. You take your children to Stuckey's to buy birthday presents for your wife. * (Dad!)

1819. Your barber shop has more than one deer with a baseball cap on the wall. * (Rocky's)

1820. Some one tells you that you have something stuck in your teeth and you take them out to check.

1821. Your sorority sells sweat shirts in more than 2 camouflage patterns.

1822. Your high school reunion was held at the state prison work farm.

1823. People mistake a junk yard for your yard.*

1824. Your neighbors pitched in an built an eight foot high privacy fence all the way around your property.*

1825. You have to leave the county to go to Wal-Mart.*

1826. You bring a rifle collection to college for a history presentation...and no one sees a problem with it!**

1827. You know how to salvage edible portions of road-kill deer.

1828. You held an impromptu high school reunion when meeting in combat in Iraq or Afghanistan.*

1829. You know just how many times an old M-151 Army jeep will flip when cornered too sharp at 45 mph.

1830. Your kindergarten classroom had a spittoon.

1831. You've ever bow hunted in the parking lot at work.

1832. Your two year old can spit further than you cuz she's got more teeth!

1833. You ever lived somewhere because that's where the trailer broke down.

1834. Your primary residence was involved in a motor vehicle accident.

1835. You have appeared on "Haunting in Georgia" more than three times.

1836. You watch "Cold Case Files" or "The New Detectives" to see if they're on to you yet.

1837. You sent your life's story to "The X Files" and they thought it was too weird.

1838. You threw a party when you finally got the "Speed Channel."

1839. You stopped chewing tobacco and Brown and Williamson's laid an entire shift off.

1840. You volunteered to speak for the defendant in the tobacco trials and Reynolds's team of lawyers turned you down.

1841. You chew Nicorette for the flavor.

1842. You know more Redneck Jokes that the entire cast of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour.

1843. You sent Jeff Foxworthy some of your Redneck jokes and he said, "No!  Even I wouldn't say THAT!"

1844. Your friends mistook the junk yard for your new place.

1845. You wear so much camouflage, people thought your school had ROTC.

1846. You ever e-mailed me Redneck Jokes to be added to this!

1847. You thought "The X-Files" was a documentary.

1848. You can accurately determine the time of death of road kill just by the smell.

1849. You know where the "Annual Redneck Games" are held.

1850. You know the difference between Redneck Summer Game events and Redneck Winter Game events.

1851. You've used your children's swing set as an engine hoist.

1852. You think "home security" means taking in the steps to your trailer at night.

1853. You've had a "romantic encounter" on a riding lawn mower.

1854. Your car won't start because of the ear wax buildup on the key.

1855. The local Blood Mobile doubles as the Ice Cream Man's truck.

1856. The air freshener in your truck smells better than your date.

1857. Your mobile home has a second floor.*

1858. You have ever used cold grits as mortar.

1859. You have ever used cold grits because you were out of Bond-O.

1860. Your house has a tree growing through it!* (some one actually tried to rent us a house with a tree growing through it!!)

1861. You consider the pickup truck with a camper shell backed up to your trailer as an addition to your house.

1862. The county begins dumping garbage in your yard and you don't notice!

1863. You ever stopped a paving crew to collect the road kill.

1864. You ever check the internet to see if your name and the term "redneck" are linked.*

1865. You ever missed the judge's sentence because you were mooning the jury.

1866. Your jacket pocket doubles as a cup holder.***

1867. You rent the movie "Deliverance" when ever you get homesick.

1868. You ever drowned a horse trying to play water polo.

1869. You ever tried "snowboarding" with an old 1" by 6".

1870. You granny was carried to the cemetery in a four wheel drive hearse.

1871. You ever practiced belly floppin' into a mud puddle.

1872. You refused to leave for a hurricane cuz the fishin' was too good.

1873. You ever duct taped your luggage to the roof of your car.

1874. You ever got in a fight over whether it is called "duct tape" or "duck tape".

1875. Your dog was in more of your wedding pictures than you were.

1876. You have to get "dressed up" to go to Wal-Mart.

1877. You know the location of next year's "Redneck Olympics"...

1878. Jeff Foxworthy won't repeat any of your Redneck jokes.

1879. You sue "Larry the Cable Guy" for stealing you material.

1880. You don't understand that "Redneck Rampage" is a joke!

1881. You own more than two four-wheel-drives: one for muddin', one for huntin', and one for gettin' down the driveway to go to the store!

1882. You ever ran over a Volkswagen Beatle in your truck and didn't even touch it!

1883. You know which intersection to go to after thunderstorms to tow people out of the water.*

1884. The flood from the hurricane ever cleaned up your yard.

1885. The governor declared your place a disaster area, and the tornado didn't even come near!

1886. You know just how many times your truck will flip when rolled at 100 mph.

1887. You made a working still for a school science project.

1888. You were ever busted for claiming you made the still you brought for a school science project, cuz it was the one your granddaddy had been runnin' for years.

1889. Any school science projects involved explosions.*

1890. You went to school barefoot cuz you had a math test. (so you could count past ten...)

1891. Your neighbors have the sheriff's office on speed dial.

1892. You don't see what's wrong with Dick Cheney shootin' a lawyer.

1893. You ever bird hunt with a rifle cuz you can't stand to bite into bird shot when eatin' that buzzard.

1894. You know just how far a frozen chicken can be thrown from a snow mobile.*

1895. Your life's ambition is to write Redneck Jokes.**

1896. You still dream of raisin' the Rebel flag and runnin' out all them Yankees to reclaim Atlanta.

1897. You know just how much moonshine an old steam locomotive can make. (a still near where I grew up used an old steam locomotive left behind when the railroads switched to diesel) *

1898. You can't look at a flat piece of ground without calculating how much corn you could grow on it.

1899. Any relatives have tombstones marks with "Hey! Y'all watch this!"

1900. Your best coon dawg is stuffed and standin' in the corner cuz you just couldn't go on with out him.