You might be a redneck if. . .

1601. People can tell what you had for breakfast by looking in your beard.

1602. Your dog’s so mean you have to pick up your mail in town.

1603. You don’t have electricity in every room of your house.

1604. You’ve broken a speed limit in reverse.

1605. Your son is named for your favorite professional wrestler.

1606. You enjoy full cable service only when your neighbor leaves his curtains open.

1607. Your bathroom has a different mailing address from your house.

1608. Your post office, feed store, and beauty parlor have the same address.

1609. You buy your food at the feed store.

1610. You refer to Chex cereal as “People Chow.”

1611. Your doctor prescribes moonshine as a pain killer.

1612. Your outdoor light used to be part of a mall parking lot.

1613. You proposed to your wife through a mouthful of Cheetos.

1614. You’ve ever asked for lay-away at a yard sale.

1615. Your sneeze can disrupt tv reception.

1616. You’ve ever waved at traffic from your front porch wearing just your underwear.

1617. You know that your wheelbarrow will hold ten 12-packs iced down.

1618. Your carpool has it’s own fight song.

1617. Your wife complains about the portrait of Hulk Hogan hanging over the fireplace.

1618. According to your birth certificate, your father’s name was ”X.”

1619. You sew the legs back on your jeans at the end of every summer.

1620. The first time you saw your wife in lingerie, you had to pay a cover charge.

1621. Your kids take roadkill to Show and Tell.

1622. People ask you if you were in the movie “Deliverance.”

1623. You can play tour guide to all the different sights used to film “Deliverance.”

1624. You ever wrote your phone number on a port-a-potty wall.

1625. Your dog stops barking and you bury it.

1626. You own half a pick up truck.

1627. You’ve worn your Waffle House uniform on a date.

1628. You think 401(k) is your mother-in-law’s bra size.

1629. You use your wife’s old bra to carry your bowling ball.

1630. You’ve sold your car to settle a bar tab.

1631. All your home electronics have the serial number filed off.

1632. You’ve surrendered yourself to the police in exchange for cigarettes.

1633. You’ve been hospitalized following a chili cook-off.

1634. Picking out a burial plot involves wandering around the yard.

1635. You think “socially consciousness” means how well you hold your liquor.

1636. Your back yard smoker used to be a rest stop trash can.

1637. You’ve ever written your resume on a cocktail napkin.

1638. Your wife wears chip clips in her hair.

1639. You’ve ever practiced someone else’s signature.

1640. You’ve ever used food stamps on a date.

1641. You’re naked on laundry day.

1642. Your dentist wanted to exhibit your eye tooth at a convention.

1643. The sheriff regularly speaks to you through a megaphone.

1644. Your car used to be a police car.

1645. You list “staring” as one of your hobbies.

1646. You routinely talk to relatives through a bullet-proof window.

1647. Property downwind of your home is practically worthless.

1648. Your chicken house used to be a school bus.

1649. The best photo of you has a height chart as a backdrop.

1650. Your mamma is banned from the front row at wrestling matches.

1651. You mouth the lines while watching “Dukes of Hazzard” reruns.

1652. You waited in line over night for a tire sale.

1653. There are less than six last names in your local phone book.

1654. You have a turkey decoy on lay-away.

1655. You always have to sign a release at the car wash.

1656. Your dog was neutered by court order.

1657. You always start your stories with “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this…”

1658. You and your dog are on the same medication.

1659. Your family stays cool by sittin’ on the porch naked.

1660. You ever told your teacher that your milk cow ate your homework.

1661. You and your wife wear matching outfits to church.

1662. All of your favorite recipes begin with “go ‘possum hunting…”

1663. Your local funeral parlor has a “Happy Hour” before each burial.

1664. You ever shot dead limbs out of trees in your front yard.

1665. You regard deer processing as an art form.

1666. You can buy live bait and cold beer at your barber shop.

1667. You can open your walk-in cooler with a clapper.

1668. Your Thanksgiving centerpiece has ever been prepared by a taxidermist.

1669. “Pass the buck” means you want seconds.

1670. Your birthstone is a cubic zirconia.

1671. You can’t remember the name you used on your marriage license.

1672. You clean your house with a water hose.

1673. You’re afraid to wash your house since the rust is probably the only thing holding it together.

1674. You ever listed “fuzzy dice” on an insurance claim.

1675. Kissing your cousin goodbye is a five minute job.

1676. You were kicked out of your dog’s obedience school.

1677. You are smoking in your driver’s license picture.

1678. Orkin uses your house as a training site.

1679. A tree falls through your roof and you decide to leave it.

1680. The biggest town you’ve ever been to is Wal-Mart.

1681. You can’t remember what the blue tarp in you front yard is covering.

1682. The blood mobile will not visit your trailer park.

1683. You’ve ever driven over a month on a baby spare tire.

1684. The dentist in your town filed for bankruptcy.

1685. The furthest any one traveled for the big family reunion was two miles.

1686. The first drive-in movie you saw was from across the street.

1687. Your RV is bigger than your house.

1688. Your pawn shop sends you a Christmas card.

1689. Your daughter’s Barbie’s Dream house has a clothes-line in the front yard.

1690. Your Christmas tree came from the interstate median.

1691. The only private club you’ve belonged to is Sam’s Wholesale Club.

1692. Your Christmas stocking is full of Redman.

1693. The only time you’ve been in the dry cleaners was to get out of the rain.

1694. Your favorite Mexican food is Doritos.

1695. You had to burn your boots “’cuz they tetched Yankee soil!”

1696. You’ve used nightcrawlers as stocking stuffers.

1697. Any of your kids’ first words were “ATF!  Open Up!”

1698. Your anniversary cards have always come addressed to “State Corrections Facility.”

1699. You have nothing better to do than sit around and come up with these.

1700. You have nothing better to do than sit around and read these!