You might be a redneck if. . .

1401. Your best pair of shoes is a pair of work boots with holes in it.

1402. Normal people have Kodak™ moments but you have Kodiak™ moments.

1403. You've ever driven your tractor to the bar because you were too drunk to drive your car.

1404. Your family vehicle bears the name John Deere.

1405. Your dog has it's own place setting at the dinner table.

1406. Your pickup truck and wife are the same age.

1407. Your house has taillights but your car doesn't.

1408. Your 5-year-old can rebuild a carburetor.

1409. Your primary income involves pigs or manure.

1410. You have $50 windshield wipers on a $20 car.

1411. You have baby ostriches living on your back porch.

1412. Socks in bed turn you on.

1413. You ever walked two miles from your house to go to the bathroom.

1414. You ever went to Wal-Mart to freshen up for a date.

1415. You have one or more deer blinds in your front yard.

1416. Your trailer payment was less than your monthly cigarette bill.

1417. You've ever used a Laundromat as a mailing address.

1418. You think safe sex means putting on the emergency brake.

1419. You consider tattooing a do-it-yourself job.

1420. You wash your dog's dishes more than your own.

1421. You refer to your beer gut as "the old tool shed."

1422. You go to the wedding just for the food.

1423. Your good furniture is just some old seats from a van.

1424. You consider Lynard Skynard easy listening.

1425. The contents of your fishing tackle box is worth more than your house.

1426. You need to wait for your tax return before you can take your wife and kids out for dinner.

1427. You think the theory of relativity has something to do with inbreeding.

1428. Your bridal veil was made of window screen.

1429. Your mother's only shoes are her house slippers.

1430. You've ever been a member of the KKK more than one time.

1431. Your boots cost more than your wedding ring.

1432. When someone mentions a sleeping bag you think of your wife.

1433. You consider a roll of Skoal a great Christmas present.

1434. You take your newborn to the grocery store to be weighed on the produce scale.

1435. You have more jewelry than Deon Sanders and it comes from the Home Shopping Network.

1436. You told your wife to move over in bed so the dog can have more room.

1437. You rotate your tires more often than you take a bath.

1438. You use sheep as toilet paper.

1439. You have to take your house to the body shop after a hailstorm.

1440. You think the song 'Redneck Love Making' has something to do with farm animals.

1441. You think the police can't see you because your truck is painted camouflage.

1442. The last time you saw your daddy outside, he was picking up trash, chained to three other guys.

1443. You have ever carried leftovers home in your handbag.

1444. You've ever shot at the ground hoping to discover oil like Jed Clampett.

1445. You consider muskrat a gourmet food.

1446. Your street sign has bullet holes in it.

1447. You think Dr. Scholl’s is a miracle.

1448. You take food, drink and popcorn to a movie in your pockets.

1449. You ever held a family reunion in jail.

1450. You have more money between your couch cushions than in your wallet.

1451. Your family reunion is sponsored by a beer company.

1452. Your funeral procession circled around Wal-Mart.

1453. You're driving a vehicle with no original body parts.

1454. You've ever used the scope on your huntin' rifle to locate your kids.

1455. Everyone you know has more than one first name.

1456. You have a gun rack on your riding lawn mower.

1457. Your town posts a 'Water Supply Approved' sign at the city limits.

1458. You've been seen carrying around a sign that says 'Will work for cigarettes.'

1459. The garbage men don't know what to take or what to leave.

1460. You think every bottle of wine comes with a screw cap.

1461. Your weapon of choice for hunting large game is a Chevy pickup truck.

1462. Your daddy's legacy is a gun rack and Jerry Clower's autograph on a Stucky's napkin.

1463. You might be a Redneck if your tractor hat and Sunday coat are the same color.

1464. Grass is growing in the floorboards of your car.

1465. All your new appliances are your neighbors’ old ones.

1466. Your house pets include any form of livestock.

1467. You use Armor-All on your leather jacket.

1468. You think pot is something you cook in.

1469. You had to hitchhike on your honeymoon.

1470. You snorkel in a waterbed.

1471. You might be a Redneck if your idea of a luxury sedan includes running boards, a bug deflector, and an extended cab.

1472. You need to tattoo your name on your hand so you can remember it.

1473. You win the lottery and buy a NEW doublewide to live in.

1474. You think an oil change involves a comb and bottle of Vitalis.

1475. You've ever been asked to leave Shoney's all-you-can-eat breakfast.

1476. While raking leave you fall out of the tree.

1477. You need a bank loan to finance your next hunting trip.

1478. There's enough lint in your belly button to knit your hunting dog a sweater.

1479. You are afraid to let your four year old daughter talk to the minister.

1480. You've ever taken a stair off your house and used it as a running board on your truck.

1481. You go to a wedding and everyone sits on the same side of the church.

1482. Your clothes are older than you.

1483. You quit your job because deer season's fixin' to start.

1484. You might be a Redneck if you think ribs come from Europe.

1485. Your truck is older than your grandparents.

1486. You think NASCAR is better than sex.

1487. Your driving school consisted of Dukes of Hazzard re-runs and a demolition derby.

1488. Your Lazy Boy has a gun rack mounted on it.

1489. Your Friday nights consist of lots of Budweiser and a mechanical bull.

1490. You've ever woken up naked in the middle of nowhere and said 'Where's my beer?'

1491. The woman of your dreams can spit farther than you.

1492. Your idea of a gourmet meal is the noon special at the truck stop.

1493. Your mower has more miles than your car.

1494. You consider a night at the rodeo a romantic evening.

1495. You bum a dip from your mother.

1496. Calling your closest neighbor on the phone is long distance.

1497. You see a sign that says, "dip in road" and you stop to see what flavor it is.

1498. You leave pickled eggs and beer for Santa.

1499. You think "Hooked on Phonics" is a fishing show.

1500. You think your mama looks sexy in overalls.