You might be a redneck if. . .

1301. You have a buddy who had a nipple bit off by a beaver.
1302. You have ever taken lawn furniture to a drive-in.
1303. You’ve ever had to siphon gas from your lawn mower to put into your truck.
1304. People come to your door mistakenly thinking you have an auto salvage business.
1305. You are still making payments to the body shop for your last home improvement.

1306. You think "Chablis" is the name of last months Playboy centerfold.
1307. You've never slept with your boots off.
1308. You consider your wife's tattoos moving pictures.
1309. Your neighbors’ swing is a better tire than you have on your truck.
1310. Your honeymoon plans involve a deer camp.
1311. Your family tree consists of you and your dog.
1312. Your bathroom deodorizer is a box of kitchen matches.
1313. Your front yard looks like Toys R Us after a tornado.
1314. You've never seen a film with subtitles.
1315. There's no cutoff age for sleeping with your parents.
1316. After dinner you have Pixy Sticks and the height of the evening is comparing tongue colors.
1317. You judge how long a trip will take by how much beer to bring.
1318. You know all the verses to the "Hee Haw" song.
1319. Your girlfriend can pee farther than you.
1320. You are famous for your impression of a dog choking on a chicken bone.
1321. You've ever picked up a woman in a convenience store.

1322. You've ever accepted an invitation written on a bathroom wall.
1323. You think harass is two words.
1324. You baling wire to keep your car door closed.
1325. You refer to an armadillo as a possum in a half shell.
1326. You spend more money on Copenhagen and Budweiser in a year than you do on your whole family.
1327. You have 50 keys on your belt and only five locks you need to open.
1328. You go to a class reunion and all five of you are related.
1329. The three little words you say to your wife are GIMME A BEER.
1330. You wash your four-wheeler tires in the washing machine.
1331. You attend a parent-teacher conference wearing flip-flops.
1332. You think a lavatory is a breed of dog.
1333. You're a member of the "Chaw of the Month Club."
1334. Your new car is a John Deere.
1335. Your house feels a bit lonely when winter comes and the last fly dies.
1336. You have more gas than your car.
1337. You have a kill switch on your car and you use it every day.
1338. You like the idea that there are 24 beers in a case and 24 hours in a day.
1339. Your home grown vegetables are grown on your kitchen window sill.

1340. You spend more at Christmas on your huntin' dog than your family.
1341. You whistle to get the attention of your waiter or waitress.
1342. You use old auto parts as a boat anchor.
1343. You think Taco Bell serves real Mexican food.
1344. Your idea of an open air cruise involves circling the pizza place with your top down.
1345. You've ever been pulled over by the Coast Guard.

1346. You hide your friends under bull bags to get into a rodeo at discount prices.

1347. The only 4.0 you got was on a breathalyzer test.

1348. The employees of the local Wal-Mart know you by name.

1349. You sweep around the dog on your front porch instead of making him move.

1350. Your toothbrush is a hand-me-down.

1351. You buy a police scanner to keep up with your relatives.

1352. The feathers in your pillow are still connected to the bird.

1353. The kids at school know your dad by his CB Handle rather than his name.

1354. Your local newspaper has a front-page feature called "Cow of the Week."

1355. Your family tree forms a wreath.

1356. You've ever gotten carbon monoxide poisoning while driving your vehicle.

1357. You have used a potato peeler to remove a corn.

1358. You call rust a quality paint job.

1359. You think multi-cultural means you have more than one virus at a time.

1360. Your dartboard is a target painted on your living room wall.

1361. Your mom ran off with the neighbor's dog.

1362. Your best luggage says 'Hefty' on it.

1363. Your lawnmower is bigger than your Ford Pickup.

1364. You have the entire WWF slurpie cup collection proudly displayed on a shelf in your trailer.

1365. Your blood alcohol level is higher than your IQ

1366. Your coat of arms features a tire iron.

1367. Your best crystal used to contain snuff.

1368. Your hunting dog sleeps with you… Your wife sleeps on the couch.

1369. You've ever attended a dance at the bus station.

1370. Your bridal registry was the local bait shop.

1371. You have to slip a bottle of Jack Daniels to the emissions guy so that your truck will pass.

1372. You cut your wedding cake with a chain saw.

1373. You refer to your wife as the lawnmower.

1374. The deer crossing sign on your road has bullets in it.

1375. You can't keep your cats out of your car at night because the interior smells like fried chicken.

1376. You identify with the Beverly Hillbillies before they struck oil.

1377. You live in a $24,500 trailer and have a $2,425,000 bass boat.

1378. You have to decide whether to use 'hot wax' or 'spot free rinse' when giving the young ‘uns a bath.

1379. You've ever named a body part so you can identify it later.

1380. Your favorite comedian is Jeff Foxworthy.

1381. You ask for the honeymoon suite at the Motel 6.

1382. You know more that 10 slang words for "breast."

1383. You currently drive a car with "In Tow" painted across the back.

1384. You use a junk van for a storage shed.

1385. You use the shaving cream made for tough beards...and so does your husband.

1386. Your wife receives a discount from Mary Kay for buying in bulk.

1387. You put up a lost and found sign for your toothpick.

1388. Your truck sits so high that you can see in a second floor window.

1389. You got married at a monster truck rally.

1390. You ever go through the laundry milk crate for clean/dirty socks.

1391. You think tractor pulling should be the national sport.

1392. Your family tree doesn't branch.

1393. Your girlfriend has ever coordinated her outfit around her tattoo.

1394. Your girlfriend has more hunting dogs than you.

1395. You stole most of your lawn ornaments.

1396. You hang out near Divorce Court to pick up women.

1397. You secretly get your firewood from your neighbor's yard.

1398. You've ever gotten into a fist fight over a bowling score.

1399. You think "Ross Perot" is how your cousin Ross got out of jail early.

1400. Your definition of homestead is the first trailer that was parked on your family lot.