You might be a redneck if. . .

1201. You own a pair of cut-offs made from double-knit pants.

1202. You watch NASCAR races with your rifle scope.

1203. You regularly see kinfolks on "America's Most Wanted."
1204. You inherited a Styrofoam cooler.
1205. You brag that you can chug a beer in three seconds instead of five because of the new wide-mouth cans.
1206. Your eye color on your driver's license is red.
1207. You think a sieve is part of your shirt.
1208. You have ever injured yourself lighting farts.
1209. The only gold you own is in your mouth.
1210. You wash paper plates.
1211. Your mobile home has been destroyed by a tornado more than once.
1212. You use more duct tape than common sense.
1213. Your television's screen is bigger than all the remaining glass on your station wagon, truck, and four-door sedan combined.
1214. Your best jacket has an advertisement on the back of it.
1215. You think "megabytes" means a good day fishin’.
1216. You know all the stock car driver's numbers by heart.
1217. Your pickup truck has more rust than paint.
1218. You think "trash TV" is something in your back yard.
1219. You think the ultimate beauty treatment is using Preparation-H to prevent wrinkles.
1220. Your wife sends you out for formula and you come home with a jug of moonshine.
1221. You spit on your own floor.
1222. You find automatic transmissions confusing.
1223. Your wife has only one bra and you have 10 fishing poles.
1224. You consider the tractor your 'good' car.
1225. You think beer guzzling should be an Olympic sport.
1226. You've ever used 40 weight to shine your boots.
1227. You are offended by these jokes.
1228. The dash of your car has more carpet on it than your entire house.
1229. You went to your mother's prom.
1230. You've ever been asked for your autograph at a rattlesnake roundup.
1231. Your favorite cologne is Deep Woods Off.
1232. You take a nap with at least one hand tucked inside your pants.
1233. You have more things with Hank Williams Jr.'s name on them than your own.
1234. You think Heaven looks like Daytona.
1235. You've ever been too drunk to milk a cow.
1236. You have a sandbox instead of a toilet in your bathroom.
1237. Your hair is longer than your wife's.
1238. You've ever changed the numbers on your house so the police can't find you.
1239. Your house has ever been involved in a 10-car pile-up.
1240. You take notes while watching The Three Stooges.
1241. Your wife needs to stand on a plastic five gallon bucket to get into the truck.
1242. You think buying from the good humor truck is ordering ala carte.
1243. You think there is a 'Duct Tape' god.
1244. All of your shirts are older than you.
1245. You ever re-mortgaged your house to buy a bass boat.
1246. You got detention in school for catching a bigger fish than the principal caught on the day you both skipped.
1247. You've got a green neck from wearing your fine jewelry.
1248. You have a grave in your front yard.
1249. You use your dishwasher to clean your auto parts.
1250. One of your fantasies involves a bulldozer.
1251. You follow the tractor pull circuit.
1252. You've ever tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
1253. You use a tire for a sled.
1254. Every time you go hunting, you meet a new wife.
1255. Your backyard looks like a junkyard.
1256. You wonder why the feed you just put out for your animals keeps disappearing.
1257. You have to drive past more than three junk cars and a gutted deer to get your mail.
1258. The word NASCAR appeared anywhere in your wedding vows.
1259. Your deceased hunting dog's tombstone is larger than your grandfather's.
1260. You think smoking grass means burning your lawn.
1261. You've ever used your socks as toilet paper.
1262. Your mom is the man of the house.
1263. You use your bowling bag as a suitcase.
1264. You consider a six-pack basic life support.
1265. You use Pam to shine your shoes.
1266. Hitting an animal with your truck means getting a new coat.

1267. Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
1268. Your wife counts a hammer among her cooking utensils.
1269. Your vehicle has a nickname that ends with "Lou".
1270. Your car ashtray is so packed, you can't get it out.
1271. You have ever made a frog-gigging spear.
1272. You take spurs to show off at your local public school.
1273. You think Richard Petty is the president of STP.
1274. Someone asks you the time and you say "January".
1275. Your grandma ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.

1276. You would give up your house instead of your boat.
1277. You have legally changed your name to "Current Resident" in a sorry attempt to get more mail.
1278. You go better dressed to a bar than to a wedding.
1279. You've ever talked back to characters on the movie screen.
1280. You can play The Star Spangled Banner on your beer gut.
1281. You have a collar and your dog doesn't.
1282. You use paper towels to stuff leaky windows.
1283. Directions like "up the road a piece" means you have to pack a lunch.

1284. You drive more than 30 miles to save money on a pack of cigarettes.
1285. The neighborhood tire relay winner is the fastest one to change all the tires on his house.
1286. You think payday is when the welfare check comes.
1287. Your tires are worth more than your truck.
1288. Your yard is cleaner after a tornado than before.
1289. The highlight of your day is finding the prize in a Cracker Jack box.
1290. There are more than four cats living in your garage.
1291. You think a canopy goes under the bed instead of over it.
1292. Your dates regularly expect you to light their cigars.
1293. You and six of your neighbors split the cable bill.
1294. Your house and your barn are the same building.
1295. You mow the grass around the roadkill in your front lawn.
1296. Your idea of a first date is a monster truck rally.
1297. You proposed in a Denny's.
1298. Your third-grade class had a no-smoking section.
1299. You put your empties through the cylinder holes in your coffee table.
1300. You use a Coleman lantern as your only source of heat.