You might be a redneck if. . .

1101. After 20 years of marriage you find out your wife is your cousin.
1102. Your mom is lighting bottle rockets with her cigarette while walking the children on Halloween.
1103. Being designated driver means you're limited to a six pack.
1104. Your grandmother can out-drink, out-spit, and out-cuss you and all your friends.
1105. You sit on your roof Christmas Eve with a shotgun hoping to fill your deer quota for the year.
1106. Your stove doubles as a furnace/hotwater heater.
1107. Your dog weighs more than you do.
1108. Your baby's crib mobile is made out of beer cans.
1109. You go fishing in an inner-tube and call it 'Water Skiing.'
1110. You've ever taken a date flowers you stole from a cemetery.
1111. You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
1112. You prefer to kill what you eat rather than buying what you eat.
1113. The Home Shopping channel is the second most watched program in your house (Hee-Haw being the first).
1114. You know all the lyrics to the hit song “CONVOY”.
1115. You stand in line for more than 7 hours for your deer tags.
1116. You have your own dog kennel in your back yard.
1117. Your kid's first words were “paper or plastic?”
1118. You spend most of your time in the Laundromat so you can watch TV.
1119. You buy your girlfriend a dog before you buy her a ring.
1120. Your Christmas stocking is full of ammo.
1121. You can yell to your mom, "Hey, Aunt Betty!"
1122. You wonder why there isn't a hairstyle called "The Hat Line."
1123. You actually like Spam.
1124. Your pickup truck used to be a car.
1125. You send a request to a major fragrance designer to try to recreate the smell of a dead skunk.
1126. Your wife howls at the moon more than your huntin' dogs.
1127. The same pair of boots have been in your family for five generations and they're only twenty years old.
1128. You have a sign on your front door explaining house rules and liability.
1129. You go swimming in the drainage ditch behind your house.
1130. You've ever dipped snuff during a job interview.

1131. You are the state cow tipping champ.
1132. Your neighbors offer to build you a privacy fence.
1133. Your kid's favorite bedtime story is 'Curious George and the High Voltage Fence.'
1134. You always thought "Guns and Roses" was something you get for your anniversary.
1135. You read all these Redneck jokes as bedtime stories.
1136. You know someone named Kyle Wayne.
1137. Your mamma carries a wrench and a comb in her back pocket.
1138. The auto junkyard calls you to get spare parts.
1139. You cuss and refer to your wife, mother, aunt, and sister with one word.
1140. Your kids fight with the dogs for their dinner.
1141. You have more pet names for your huntin' dog than for your girlfriend.
1142. You mistake the offering plate for a spit can.
1143. You go to church to pick up women.
1144. You bring your dog with you to church.
1145. Your kid calls your sister 'Mom.'
1146. You think that Australia is ruled by the south because their flags are similar.
1147. You've ever tried to marry a judge just to get out of paying a traffic ticket.

1148. You think the Franklin Mint is a breath freshener.
1149. You've ever had a conversation about truck tires that lasted more than an hour.
1150. You stockpile pork and beans.
1151. Your only tie is made of leather, silver and turquoise.
1152. You buy a can of soda just to serve as a container to spit tobacco juice in.
1153. You take out a home improvement loan to buy a new camper shell.
1154. Your most valuable possession is your Budweiser outhouse from Wal-Mart.
1155. Your only conception of binoculars is the scope on your .22.
1156. You've ever worn your feed hat to a wedding.

1157. You think icing is what you do to your front steps before your mother in law comes over.
1158. The emergency room nurse knows everyone in your family by name.
1159. Your coon dog was the "Best Man" at your wedding.
1160. You use Rogaine on your lawn.
1161. The passengers enter your vehicle through the driver's-side door.
1162. You try to hit road signs with empty beer bottles.
1163. Your wife left you for last year's winner of the hog-calling contest.
1164. Your house gets picked up every week. 1165. Barbecue is a daily thing.
1166. You think that the Dark Side is a room in your house.
1167. You think doctorin' involves mamma's sewing kit and a jug.
1168. You've ever held a guy over your head because of a fight over a CB radio.
1169. You think a Ford Mustang is a new breed of horse.
1170. You prefer to sleep in the truck than in your house.
1171. You have heard more than four people say "Your mamma ... she's naked!" before running out of a room with new heart conditions.
1172. You think a blood alcohol test is used to make sure there isn't any blood in your case of beer.

1173. Your underwear doubles as your bathing suit.
1174. You break wind in public and blame it on your kid.
1175. Your state senator is willingly photographed with no shirt and a leather vest on a Harley, but refuses to take a Breathalyzer test.
1176. You watch the "Jeff Foxworthy Show" religiously.
1177. You've ever had to appear in court because of your dogs.
1178. You own a flamingo with buckshot holes in it.
1179. Your mamma has more chest and underarm hair than your father.

1180. You've ever fished from over a fence.
1181. People can't recognize your car without a dead animal on the hood.
1182. You’re not allowed to mention the game warden at the table.
1183. Your dog has a bigger bedroom than your kids.
1184. You think a pickup with an extended cab is a family car.

1185. Your car has more than two exhaust pipes.

1186. Your pocketknife and key ring on opposite sides of your belt to balance yourself.

1187. Your momma and your dog bathe together.
1188. You think virgin wool comes from ugly sheep.

1189. You wear a tank top to your mother's funeral.
1190. You think D. U. I. is a college basketball team.
1191. You try to kill a bird by throwing it off a cliff.
1192. Your house plants aren't in pots.
1193. You prefer calling your sister Hun.
1194. You save cooking grease in a coffee can.
1195. You go to KFC just to lick people's fingers.
1196. You've ever valet parked a snowplow.
1197. You've ever tied a leash on a grasshopper.
1198. You vacuum the sheets instead of washing them.
1199. You go turkey hunting for hat decorations.
1200. You've ever gotten an official letter of recognition from a tobacco or beer company.