You might be a redneck if. . .

1001. You see relatives on “America’s Dumbest Criminals.”

1002. Your favorite restaurant has a gas pump in front of it.

1003. You own any willow furniture you made yourself.

1004. Your kids trip over Christmas lights while hunting for Easter eggs.

1005. You swerve to hit a deer.

1006. You don’t throw away used paper plates.

1007. You have a horse and he eats the same foods you do.

1008. You've ever towed another car using panty hose and duct tape.
1009. Your son says, "Dad, can I have a can of mix?"
1010. Your garage looks better than your house.
1011. You've ever gotten into a fist fight in a Laundromat over a dryer.
1012. Most of your clothing came from collecting Marlboro points.
1013. Your spare tire is a cement block.
1014. Your guest bedroom is also your tool shed.
1015. You've ever used fishing line as dental floss.
1016. Your dad and your tires are both bald.
1017. Your girlfriend lives with her other boyfriend.
1018. You think a quarterback is a refund.
1019. The U.S. Government declares your back yard a national wildlife sanctuary.
1020. You and your dog share the same name.
1021. Your family tree is a palm.
1022. You trip over the cord of a cordless phone.
1023. Your mom stuck her head out the window and got arrested for mooning.
1024. You only know one foreign city, Copenhagen.
1025. Your toe nails are more dangerous than your shotgun.
1026. You've ever told a joke where the punchline was 'four barrel carburator.'
1027. Your college graduation ceremony includes parallel parking an 18-wheeler.
1028. Your picture is on the wall of more than 3 bait stores.
1029. The rear doors on your car are twice the size of your front ones.
1030. You think people who have running water are uppity.
1031. You buy your underwear at "Second-Time-Around."
1032. Every time you break up with your girlfriend you get to sort out the gifts you gave her, after taking them off the hood of your pick up.
1033. You have a cousin named Bud or Miller.
1034. Your momma's beard is thicker than yours.
1035. Your tan line starts at your eyebrows and ends at your shirt collar.
1036. Your wife has to shave more than you do.
1037. You punish your children by taking away their chewing tobacco.
1038. The nearest liquor store is brewing in your basement.
1039. Your definition of hard drive is a pickup truck with no seat cushions on a bumpy road.
1040. Your mother drives a tractor-trailer and her friends call her "Butch".
1041. Your best friends are named Skeeter and Possum.
1042. Your proposal came with a dozen steaks.
1043. You spend more than two hours at the local garage drinking coffee.
1044. You spend more than three hours a week in the hardware store.
1045. You drink gas because you found out you can run two and a half miles per hour faster.
1046. People come up and ask you daily if you're having a yard sale.
1047. You've ever tried to drown a fish.
1048. You and your mama are pregnant at the same time.
1049. You've found every one of your pets.
1050. You buy your jewelry at the hardware store.
1051. Your family tree is a straight line.
1052. You think when someone says the word rig and it reminds you of a pair of suspenders.
1053. You put glow in the dark duct tape on your trailer door so you don't get lost going to the bathroom at night.
1054. Your toothbrush has more hair than your dog.
1055. You drink Labatt 50.
1056. Your greatest accomplishment is the 10-pound turnip you grew.
1057. You own the big truck that transports trailer homes.
1058. Your wife has a beard and you don't.
1059. Your favorite mixed drink includes Yoo-Hoo.
1060. You slash open boxes of cereal with a knife because you consider yourself a serial killer.
1061. You've ever had to knock the spider webs down to use the bathroom.
1062. There is a trophy in your house with the word "spitting" on it.
1064. You've ever taken reading material into an airplane restroom.
1065. You kissed your own wife at midnight at the New Year's Eve party.
1066. You've ever paid for a 6-pack of beer with pennies.
1067. There are hubcap wind chimes anywhere on your block.
1068. You have a Bud Light pool table light hanging over your dining room table.
1069. The strongest smell in your house is butane.
1070. You've ever coveted your neighbor's wife and she's your sister.
1071. You think truffles are a brand of potato chips.
1072. All your favorite shirts came with a two-pack purchase of cigarettes.
1073. You have a hook in your shower to hang your hat on.
1074. You go ice fishing and you bring back 200 pounds of ice.
1075. You bought your best pair of shoes off the impulse rack by the register.
1076. Your momma taught you how to flip a cop off.
1077. You only buy makeup at yardsales.
1078. You hear a siren and your first instinct is to hide.
1079. You serve macaroni and cheese at a formal dinner.
1080. You must go through more than two gates to get to your house.
1081. You use a money clip to hold food stamps.
1082. You've ever mistaken your Aunt Betty for a man.
1083. Your doghouse and your living room both have the same shag carpet.
1084. You ask the preacher, "How's it hanging?"
1085. Your daddy handed out cigarettes the day you were born.
1086. You played the banjo in your high school band.
1087. The velvet paintings in your house were bought from an art dealer on the side of the highway.
1088. You brush your tooth less than you comb your eyebrow.
1089. Speling ant tha eazist thang you evar tryed.
1090. You have no hubcaps on your car because you're using them to feed you hunting dogs.
1091. You have ever gone to a concert in the Wal-Mart parking lot.
1092. You bring your shotgun to school so you car hunt at recess.
1093. You and the game warden are on a first name basis.
1094. You're not actually able to read The Richard Petty Story, but you sure do like to look at the pictures.
1095. You were expelled from summer school.
1096. You've ever overhauled an engine in the Auto Zone parking lot.
1097. Your deer stand has an address.
1098. You've ever been hunting on a tractor.
1099. Making beer is a neighborhood project.
1100. Your barbecue grill is cleaner than your house.