You might be a redneck if. . .

401. The fuel for your main mode of transportation is oats.

402. You've run out of room on your arm from the tattoos of all wives names.

403. You refuse to wash your truck on account that you have a strong suspicion that mud and rust is all that's holding it together.

404. People mistakenly come to your house thinking you’re having a yard sale.

405. You've ever told the local sheriff that you smell a pig and he replies, "I knew I should have taken a shower after I slopped the hogs today."

406. Your idea of a luxury car is one that has the white fur covered seats in it.

407. You think the Internet is a new fishing tool.

408. There's a pothole in the road and you swerve. . . to hit it.

409. Your truck has more neon on it than the window of your local bar.

410. You argue to the government that the Budweiser plant should be one of the 7 wonders of the world.

411. Your kids can't go out for Halloween because there's nobody within walking distance to get candy from.

412. You buy the lot next to your house because you need the room for all your "stuff" (cars, trucks, building materials, used appliances, etc.).

413. Your idea of new siding on the house is more tar paper.

414. The oak tree in the front yard is an essential piece of automotive repair equipment (how else are you gonna pull the engine out of the old Dodge?)

415. Instead of locking the doors of your house, you keep a shotgun within reach, "just in case".

416. You consider pickled deer organs a delicacy.

417. You don't know what a redneck is.

419. You thought ER was ET's cousin.

420. You think a strip joint is where they disassemble cars.

421. You are in 6th grade and the only one in your family that can write your name.

422. You've ever been stuck in your own driveway. *

423. You refer to your dog as the dishwasher.

424. Your car is made out of 17 others and each part is a different color.

425. You repair your car in the autoparts store parking lot. *

426. After the divorce you still call your Ex "Cuz".

427. You have a bowling machine in your kitchen.

428. You keep track of all the belt holders in all the wrestling leagues.

429. You got married in the family car, in a drive-through chapel.

430. You search your computer monitor for the dial that changes channels.

431. Your idea of a fancy dessert is "moon pie ala mode".

432. You just bought your family their 1st Atari game system.

433. You and your wife celebrate your anniversary at the K-mart cafeteria.

434. You think the only tools "real men" need are duck tape and caulk, and you have successful repair projects to prove it.

435. You've tried to quote Jeff Foxworthy and screwed it up.

436. You name your car the General Lee.

437. You see a sign that says "bridge out" and you try to jump it.

438. You go to your local pet shop for a cat scan.

439. Warp drive describes the condition of your car.

440. Your smoke detector doubles as your dinner bell.

441. You go to the dentist for a "Tooth Cleaning".

442. You pull up to a gas station in a limo to buy a can of Skoal.

443. Your boyfriend gives you car parts for your birthday, and you like it.

444. Coons get into everyone else's trash but yours.

445. When you say, "Let's hit the hay," you actually MEAN it.

446. You can feed a family of five on ONE McDonald's Extra Value Meal.

447. Your kids LIKE the Arch Deluxe hamburger at McDonald’s.

449. You have a claw foot bathtub.

450. You've ever been arrested for bootlegging'.

451. You spell out NASCAR in Christmas lights.

452. Your idea of good fishing involves the use of a boat, a net and dynamite.

453. Burger King won't let you do it your way.

454. You can remember the entire NASCAR series schedule but can't remember your wife’s birthday, kids’ birthday, or anniversary.

455. You can remember every NASCAR driver and their car number but can't remember how old your children are.

456. Your idea of going to see a play involves goal posts.

457. You think a computer hacker carries an ax.

458. You keep a chainsaw in the trunk "just in case".

459. You've given your gun a woman's name.

460. Baling wire and a pair of pliers are what you consider high tech tools.

461. You go to the post office to research your family tree.

462. You have to check your coke can before you take a drink just in case you have mistaken it for your spit can. *

463. You have accidentally taken a drink from your spit can. * (that's why you check...only after the fact)

464. Your wife asks you what you want to be when you grow up.

465. You see a forest fire and think 'Bar-B-Q'.

466. You've ever strained your tea through a flyswatter.

467. Your mother is hairier than your father.

468. Instead of flossing you use a plunger.

469. You take the back window out of your pickup because it's easier to chuck the empty beer cans in the back that way.

470. When the back fills up with empty beer cans, you get another pickup and start all over again.

471. Your grandma can bench press a truck axle.

472. You watch "The Dukes of Hazzard" and have to find someone to explain it to you.

473. Your mom kisses you goodnight and you go to school the next day and say you've met your future wife.

474. When your wife walks in front of you it looks like two pigs fighting in a gunny sack.

475. Your only excuse for smelling bad is it runs in the family.

476. Your favorite fruit is chicken.

477.You think those yellow traffic signs that say "Slow children at play" means the kids in the area are not too bright.

478. At least one of the appliances on your front porch is more than forty years old.

479. You think "Country & Western" covers both types of music.

480. You've ever used a hangnail as a tooth pick.

481. You can chew your own toenails.

482. You've ever used an inner-tube patch on your jeans.

483. You want the opening day of deer hunting season to be declared a national holiday.

484. Someone knocks on your front door and your back door rattles.

485. You let goldenrod grow in your yard because it looks so pretty.

486. You've ever absent-mindedly nibbled on your live bait . . . and didn't spit it out.

487. Your best Sunday clothes include your John Deere baseball cap.

488. You go to a wedding or any formal party and ask someone to pull your finger.

489. Your friend tells you he went on-line last night, and you think he took a drunk driving test.

490. Your mama has more tattoos than you do.

491. You think the ATM machine is a giant public calculator.

492. Your favorite cologne smells like exhaust.

493. You save old appliances for target practice. * (high school friend' family did...)

494. You think its okay to have your 6 year old baby-sit your 5, 4, and 3 year olds.

495. Your dog's shots are up to date but your children's aren't.

496. You use the water in your toilet to bob for apples.

497. Your whole family sleeps in the same bed.

498. You consider your annual bath one too many.

499. You wore a baseball cap to the MET opera.

500. If you are 20 and you can still go in McDonald's playhouse.