YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM SPRINGFIELD, MO IF. . .
1. You use garage sale money to pay the mortgage.
2. You watch KY3 news to see what today's lake levels are.
3. You're a grandmother at 30.
4. Your idea of a real vacation is a week in Branson.
5. You think of international travel as crossing the state line into Arkansas.
6. Your plural possessive is "yer guys'es."
7. You think John Ashcroft is a little too liberal.
8. You had to rent a backhoe to plant a tree in your backyard.
9. You're proud that the Park Days celebration is still going strong after all these years.
10. You know who Aunt Norma is.
11. You can look at the statue of John Q. Hammons and still believe it was paid for by his friends.
12. You own a complete set of Ozark Mountain Daredevils albums.
13. You boasted that the Feeney trial was on Court TV.
14. You can't remember if the Square is opened or closed.
15. You know that "Spoon Ball" is not a child's relay race.
16. You think Woody and Janet are real people.
17. You have a hard time deciding whether to eat breakfast at Anton's or at Aunt martha's Pancake House.
18. You read Springfield! magazine from cover to cover.
19. You worked at Zenith.
20. You won't buy your boots anywhere but PFI, and I'm not kiddin'.
21. You are considered THE authority to consult about which artwork to place behind the gun rack on the rear window of a friend's pickup.
22. You know the people who built Brad Pitt's childhood home.
23. You can identify John Goodman a distinguished SMSU graduate.
24. You can remember when the Drury campus was called "Forty acres of Christian atmosphere."
25. You don't think of a California city when you hear someone say "Frisco."
26. You can call your hometown "The Queen City of the Ozarks Empire" without a trace of irony.
27. You think people from "Nixie" talk funny.
28. Your idea of a traffic jam is waiting through more than one cycle at the Battlefield/Glenstone intersection.
29. You still miss the Venture store.
30. Your date took you to dinner at a drive-through restaurant on Prom Night.
31. You plan your vacation around the Fall Hunting Classic at Bass Pro Shops Outdoor World.
32. You always take out of town guests on a tour of Exotic Animal Paradise.
33. You've worked at a fireworks stand.
34. You consider a turn signal on a car to be optional equipment.
35. You can recount in great detail the various scandals involving former Channel 10 newscasters.
36. You picketed to protest the Airport Board's decision to change the facility's name to Springfield-Branson Regional Airport.
37. You regard Nixa, Ozark, and Republic as the 'burbs.
38. You live next door to the bumblebee guy in the Lipscomb Motors'
commercial.
39. You remember when SMSU was called State Teacher's College.
40. You buy your car parts at the I-44 swap meet.
41. You entered your paint-by-number still life in the fine art category at the fair and won.
42. You believe OTC should be designated a university.
43. You wonder whether Hammons Tower was designed by a licensed architect.
44. You consider a meal at any all-you-can-eat restaurant to be a fine dining experience.
45. You read the News Leader as though it were a real newspaper.
46. You regard the Blue Vatican on north Boonville as a holy shrine.
47. You miss Accu-Fred Miller's weather reports.
48. You eat Springfield Cashew Chicken because you believe MSG is one of he major food groups.
49. You regard Andy Williams as a cultural icon.
50. You can correctly pronounce Kimbrough and Kearney.
51. You think red means stop, green means go, and yellow means hit the accelerator hard.
52. You have actually sat through an entire SMSU football game.
53. You almost made it from Springfield to Republic in one minute at 360 miles an hour.
54. You don't just go shopping, you go to Ba'lfeel Mall.
55. You used to live on M highway.
56. You appeared on camera at the the Channel 21 auction.
57. You will drive out-of-town to eat dinner at a restaurant where the waiters throw food at the customers.