You might be a Redneck Marine if...

 you ever were caught by a al-Qaeda beer trap

You might be a Redneck Marine if...

your helicopter crew deer hunt in flight

You might be a Redneck Marine if...

you ever taught a cat to be a sniper

Great ones by Jack Shiles courtesy of http://www.stevenshiles.com

You might be a Redneck Marine if...

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if your D.I. refers to you as a Ninja Couch Potato.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you stand up in a canoe to pee.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you climb out of the shower to feel a cold nose up your butt and there's the damn dog wantin to go out.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you been credited for inventing a "New" Marine Corp term called "Wityadiya" because your always saying, "You didn't bring your Hummer with ya did ya?"

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if someone spits tobacco and you yell out "I'm Hit."

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you're a pretty smart guy when it takes 6 bouncers to physically throw you out into the street but you back down from any further altercation when you realize you can take at least two but your not sure how many more.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if your daughter comes home with all A's and you ask your wife who her Daddy is?

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if your idea of a good time is watching the NASCAR Races on TV, eating 2 dozen Krispy Kreme Donuts and washing it all down with a six-pack of beer.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you take your daughter's boyfriend to the side and say, "If you touch my little girl I am going to be very angry... I've got a .45 and I don't mind going back to prison.";

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you've had at least 'two out of body' experiences since you been back from Iraq.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if your grandmother dies and you send flowers with a card that said, "Get Well Soon."

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you accused the MPs of "Profiling" because you're the only one they stopped for drunk driving on a sidewalk.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if when taking off your OD underwear you toss them up in the air with your toes and try and catch 'em.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” because you're such a bad tank driver that you get flicked off by a child in a car seat as you go by.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you missed your 5th Grade Graduation because your reserve unit was called up.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you have on more than one occasion used a bar stool in Subic City for a walker.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you have the nickname of 'Crazy Horse' because you got caught scalping Iraqis.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you have ever given one of your Marine Buds a bachelor party and you hired a midget stripper where she jumped out of a cup cake.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you were so drunk you gave liquor to a Camel, it got drunk, and you tried to ride it.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you have a fly swatter on the front seat of your HUMVEE so you can slap the Pfcs in the back seat.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you have been known to flick food off your front tooth with your K-bar.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if every time your Father tells the boys at the local bar the story about you in Iraq it seems like you wiped out the entire Iraqi Republican Guard all by yourself. (when you really just got lost and asked the Republican Guard for directions)

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you consider bathing a chore.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you have ever ridden in an electric floor buffer rodeo.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if an Iraqi would rather walk 20 miles and surrender to the Army than take his chances with you.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you can spit further than a desert spitting cobra.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you have a singing electronic fish hanging in your squad tent.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you got in a spitting contest with a camel.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if your goal is to open a restaurant outside the gate the Marine Base at Camp Pendleton and sell Camel Burgers.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you pick your nose and make the Iraqi prisoners eat it.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you caught some Arab Camel Jockey setting fire to one of the Kuwaiti Oil Wells and you throw his stinking butt into the flames and yell out, "Its Bar-Beeee-Q time here tonight."

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you’re sitting around with your Marine Buds in Kuwait just before the Iraq invasion and one says, "I wish I had me some fast food." So you jump in your Hummer and at 65 mph you hit a Camel and yell back, "How ya'll like your steaks cooked?"

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you sang karaoke at the Club and have a good chance of getting that Aluminum Record Award.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you just got your orders to go back to Iraq and you yell out, "Gul Damn!  I'm finally going to kill me some French."

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you got a Porta-John in back of your 5-ton Oshkosh truck.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you toss grenades at the enemy with a Fly Rod.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you wear hip boots and chase sand vipers.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you hide a grenade down your cammies.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you know how to cook a camel spider.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if your Oshkosh Truck has chrome running boards.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if your Hummer has no windows and the doors have been welded shut.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if your M1A1/2 ABRAMS Main Battle Tank has a CD player, external speakers, and you can hear C & W Music 5 miles away.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you feel right at home in a Kuwaiti Tent City.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you asked where's the Spam in this here MRE?

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if the Gunny finds moonshine in your battle canteen.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you "spit" the chaw on your sergeant's boots.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you give out a "Rebel Yell" every time you go into battle.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if everyone else is saying "OooooRahhhhh" and your saying "Be all you can be."

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you play a game of touch football in a minefield.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you pick your nose and show off just how Marine Green the boogers are!.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you ever farted and blew up a squad tent.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you can burp all the verses of the Marine Corps Hymn.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you brag about how many times you lit farts on guard duty.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you won't go to war without having a bag of Arkansas dirt hanging around your neck.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you can shoot the eye out of a buzzard in a dust storm.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you think Ali is a character out of a Hollywood movie.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if at boot camp you were the only one that didn't get a haircut at the induction center.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you think of desert scorpions as a type of trailer cockroach.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you refer to your 5-Ton Oshkosh as your Monster Truck.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you never wear underwear under your utilities.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you asked “where's the suspenders?” when they issued you your uniform clothing at boot camp.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you refer to your D.I. as Uncle Sarge.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you thought Parris Island Boot Camp was just like gator hunting in the bayous.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you ask "Where's the general store?"

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you ask "Can I have a horse?"

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you attempt to load your M-16 one round at a time.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you refer to the D.I. as a good ole' boy.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you think S-O-S is GREAT Food!

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you refer to the Navy Nurses as "Women Folk."

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you are constantly spit sharpening your K-bar.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you chaw and have to spit every time you take aim with your M-16.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you brought your own sniper rifle to boot camp.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you refer to your Hummer as the pick 'em up truck.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you mount a spit can holder in your M1A1.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you wake your DI to ask "Where's the damn outhouse?"

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you punched out your 2nd LT. the first time you saw him.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you refer to an MH-53E helicopter as the whirlybird machine.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you think hand grenades are a great way to catch fish.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you ask the mess cook "Where's the collard greens and fat back?"

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you asked the D.I. if you can hang your trailer's Christmas lights inside the barracks.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you stole your DI's Smokey the Bear Hat to decorate the snowman you just made in front of the barracks.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you opened fire with your M-16 at a flock of geese flying south for the winter.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you ever dropped the grenade and threw the pin.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you got drunk and were caught racing Humvees backwards through the camp compound.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you refer to those there Arabs as 'Turban Winders.'

You may be a “Redneck Marine” when you did the doggie paddle to pass the swimming fitness test.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you yell out "Goooolly!  These here sleeping quarters have indoor plumbing and everythin'!"

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you've totaled every car you've ever owned, including two USMC Humvees, an M-1A1 Abrams, and a 5-Ton Oshkosh truck.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you have enough spare parts to build your own Humvee, an M-1A1 Abrams, and a 5-ton Oshkosh truck.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if your K-Bar often doubles as a toothpick.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you consider C-ration pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of coveralls, an OD shirt and thermal underwear.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if your newly made customized Marine Corp belt buckle weighs more than five pounds.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if in tough situations you ask yourself, "What would R. Lee Ermy do?"

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if your child's first words were a Jody call.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if Thanksgiving dinner in Iraq was ruined because you ran out of ketchup.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if every time you flush the toilet at Camp Pelelieu there was bubbles in the swimming pond.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if more than one squad member is named after a Southern Civil War General.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you think that Spam on a C-ration cracker is an hors d'ouvre.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if there are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your USMC Humvee.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you give your DI a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you've ever bathed in the field with flea and tick soap.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if the flood history of Camp LeJeune can be seen on your home's living room walls.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you financed your Semper Fi USMC tattoo.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you thought those big white tablets in the urinal were after dinner mints.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if more than half your platoon is in the brig..

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you refer to Baghdad with the term `over yonder' frequently.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if your idea of giving a lost soldier directions is to tell them "It's just down the road a piece."

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if the first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Oooorah!"

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you ever got a care package in September with melted Easter candy, and still ate it all.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you go to the Marine Corps Ball to pick up women.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you have more than two squad members named Bubba or Junior.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public rest room to keep in your ruck for in the field.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if your Christmas Cards have a copy of your Marine Corps tattoo included.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if your idea of a seven course meal is a C-ration Ham & Eggs and a six-pack.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you have lost at least one tooth opening a bottle of San Miguel.

You may be a ”Redneck Marine” if you sent you first pay check home and made Momma promise to buy a VCR and tape wrasslin' while you were in boot camp.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you can amuse yourself for more than an hour using your piss cutter as a fly swatter.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you know of at least six different ways to block the bill of your Marine cap.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you've ever hit a deer with your USMC Humvee... deliberately.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into the barracks.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if at Parris Island Boot Camp your family arrives for your graduation in chartered buses.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if your platoon places bets with all the other platoons on how long your fart will last.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if all your male ancestors fought in the Civil War on the Confederate side.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if the smell of napalm in the morning gets you aroused.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you have been assigned aboard a Naval Task Force heading to Iraq and a young female Navy Ensign bends over and you yell out, "CHARGE!"

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if your D.I. tells you to trim the hairs out of your nose.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if the waitress at the local choke and puke calls you a "Filthy Beast."

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if California women keep calling you that "knuckle dragger"... and you don't have a clue what the hell they are talking about.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, MP's!"

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if your bumper sticker says, "My other car is an M-1A1."

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your USMC Humvee.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you still watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you have to throw down a rope ladder to get out of your Humvee.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if the green ordinance tape on your Humvee seat sticks to your butt when you get out.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you think "dual airbags" refers to your Gunny and platoon leader

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you have guns in your house that you cannot find.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you've got more guns "On Display" than the local National Guard Armory.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if your blood alcohol content has ever exceeded your I.Q.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you ever spent the night in the bed of your truck rather than paying for a room in the transient barracks.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if your D.I. has ever caught you using a bayonet on food in the mess hall.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you were on night maneuvers, you snuck away and you took your USMC Humvee to be outfitted with Monster Truck Tires.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you complain about the ban on assault weapons because it would make half your guns illegal.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you still think “E I E I O…” is part of the phonetic alphabet.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you clean your USMC Humvee out with a leaf blower.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if as a boy your tackle box contained dynamite and blasting caps and now, just back from Afghanistan, it contains a mix of Russian, German, French, and U.S. grenades.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if after stealing an M-60 tank and crashing it into City Hall, you have the policeman hold your beer while you get your license.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if on average, one out of every thirty words you use can be found in a dictionary.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if your D.I. carry's a 'Book of Southern Slang Words' around with him just to deal with you.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if one of the personal options you installed on your Hummer is a spittoon.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you almost killed your D.I. after saying, "Hey, Y'all watch this."

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you just bought an 8-track player to put in your 5-Ton Oshkosh Marine Corps truck.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you've been on CNN more than 5 times describing the war in Afghanistan.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you're turned on by a woman who can change a Hummer tire.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you still duct tape your gloves on.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you've ever pruned your trees with a M-203.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you raised the Confederate Flag ion the antenna your USMC M-1A1 whenever you would go into battle.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you refer to your USMC Oshkosh truck as if it had a legal first name.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you've ever got or given an AK-47 as a present.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if flannel is your second favorite color next to the new Marine digital cammies.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if the year and color of your USMC Humvee are obscured by a layer of mud.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you have served more time in the Marine Corps brig than in active service.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you only get your combat boots on the right feet 50% of the time.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you installed Lo-Jack on your USMC Humvee.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you roll your USMC M1A1/2 ABRAMS Main Battle Tank and laugh about it.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you think the blood on the front of your 5-Ton Oshkosh truck looks really cool.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if the best day of your life was when you stole an unopened bottle of Jack Daniels "over yonder in them hills" from an U.S. Army unit.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you ever totaled a M1A1 Abrams (not in combat).

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you can hit a bull's eye from up to 2500 meters away, but still have trouble with your ABD's.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if at least one woman from every country you have been stationed in has contacted the American Embassy and has asked for their spouse and children's immigration papers.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you got your USMC Humvee stuck in the mud in the desert.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you see a sign that says "bridge out" and you try to jump it with your 5-Ton Oshkosh Marine Corps truck anyway.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if Warp Drive describes the condition of your USMC Humvee after maneuvers.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if your idea of good fishing involves the use of a high speed boat, a strong net and as many hand grenades as it takes.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you keep your own personal chainsaw in the back of your USMC Hummer "just in case".

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you have given your M-16 a woman's name, and your Marine Commando Knife a man's name.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if when in Singapore on assignment you've strained your tea through a fly swatter.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you like the open (topless) version of the USMC Humvee because it's easier to chuck the empty beer cans out as you ride across the Iraqi desert sending the enemy scurrying in fear.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you saw the movie 'Green Beret' 7 times and you want to know if you’re killed in Iraq if they will rename the Baghdad Airport after you.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you installed a Clapper on your USMC Hummer headlights.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you put Texas Steer Horns on the hood of your USMC Hummer.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if your D.I. asked you, "Why you have a live rabbit in your pocket?" and you reply, "That's my lucky rabbit's foot."

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if the moonshine still you built at Parris Island is hidden so well even the guard dogs can't find it.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you told the Navy Corpsman that Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if the CIA wants to recruit you for a secret mission.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if your Gunny Sgt. was embarrassed by your mama’s cussin’.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if your Gunny Sgt. had to pull you off a dead Taliban because you were still questioning him.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if the Cpl. assigns you to help out with the new admin building move, and finds out you put the computer monitors up on blocks.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if your USMC Hummer gets blown up in Afghanistan and you cry.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you love the smell of burnt flesh in battle.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if when you see an enemy town destroyed, body parts everywhere, you say, "Gul Darn, the buzzards are feasting tonight."

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you brought your Iraqi Prisoner back strapped to the hood of your USMC Hummer and said to the Gunny, "This is better than deer hunting."

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you and your dad dated the same girl when you were at Camp LeJeune

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you asked your Gunny if the terrorists you killed in Afghanistan count against your limit now that you're in Iraq.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you have a reputation of cutting off Iraqi Soldiers heads and putting them on upright sticks in the desert, but no one can find the bodies.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if your 30 year Marine Recon Vet Sergeant even thinks your crazy.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if your ONLY ambition is to kill more enemy soldiers than your father and uncle did who were both in the Marine Corp. in Vietnam.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you ever fought with an Arab farmer on the proper way to Bar-Be-Que a goat.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if your D.I. calls you 'Gomer.'

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if your D.I. refers to you as 'BooBoo' because you keep forgetting to climb back down the rope and just let go when you get to the top.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you ask the Iraqi Soldiers who you just captured, if any of them speak "Southern?"

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you wipe your runny nose on your DI's shirt.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if after your D.I. makes you do 50 pushups you say, "Thanks Sarge."

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if your so drunk the next morning from R &R that you put your USMC Red and Gold Boxer Shorts on the outside of your Marine Cammies.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if while stationed in Saudi Arabia, you would sneak out at night and leave 'Southern Baptist Church Bulletins with a picture of Jesus Christ on the front, and old fashion bible thumping gospel music lyrics inside' on the door steps of wealthy Saudi Royal Family members.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if on board a ship headed to the Persian Gulf you are personally responsible for starting over 200 fights between the Marines and Navy.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you ate a can of pork-n-beans and the enemy had to retreat because they advanced on your position without their gas masks.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you've ever taken a generator and a 27-inch TV on Marine maneuvers.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you've ever caused the complete evacuation of the base exchange because you farted

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you painted flames on the hood of you 5-ton Oshkosh truck.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you complain because the Geneva Convention makes your personal side arm illegal.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you ever needed to use a bayonet on food in the mess hall.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if your grandmother knows more hand to hand combat moves than your DI.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you think an IED is some kind of birth control device.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you ever farted and the chemical warfare alarms went off!

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you think the cockroaches in your mobile home are tougher than the desert scorpions in Iraq.

You may be a “Redneck Marine” if you've argued over who gets to keep the deer killed on the runway by a KC-130.

You may be a "Redneck Marine" if you ever lit a fart during a fire fight to scare off enemy tanks.

You might be a "Redneck Marine" if the black box in your USMC F/A-18E plays back your last words as "Y'all watch this!"

You might be a "Redneck Marine" if you won the Navy Cross by just doing what you thought R. Lee Ermey would do!

You might be a "Redneck Marine" if you tore down a statue of Saddam Hussein with your recovery vehicle (and I want to salute you for saying screw it to the brass and doin' what needed to be done!)